An absolute mindfuck

         I have forgotten how to write. I have been sitting here for the past hour, typing out elaborate paragraphs of nonsensical prose, only to delete them all in one go. I haven’t written much in the past four years, and I can’t fathom what prompted me to attempt it now. Perhaps it was the spooky thunderstorm that shook my neighbourhood on Saturday evening. But it rained again the next evening and the next, so now the novelty has kind of dwindled down and the gloomy surroundings are fucking my mind.

         The only good thing about today so far has been this: I was forced to get out of the house to buy me a pack of Marlboro Lights and on the way back I realised I had a credit balance of about SGD80 with a nail parlour. On a whim, I went in for a manicure and pedicure session – the moon is going to turn a violent blue today I predict. What tickled me to death was a client there who spent an hour trying to decide the colour she wanted her nails painted – she was still undecided by the time I left. And I came back thinking some people take their nails as seriously as I take my life. And it immediately put me in a dilemma because so far I had been under the illusion that I was taking my life far too seriously – enough to spend weeks moping over what could have been and what was not.

A tells me that I think too much and too often, he is right. I often ponder over abstract stuff. For instance, I often mull over corporate slavery and what – other than house rent and bills – compels people to ignore their fucked up lives at work and still trudge into their offices on a wet Monday morning. I’ll be following suit tomorrow, except that it will be a Tuesday morning, not necessarily wet, the sun may be out and the entire neighbourhood would be ablaze with colours and I’d wonder if I unknowingly OD’d on a narcotic that I don’t even possess.

Sometimes I behave like an armchair philosopher. I like to think of myself as a pipe-smoking fireside thinker who dispassionately rationalises and solves problems people don’t even know exist. Maybe I am just not thinking about the right things. Maybe I should spend more time worrying about the colour I want to see on my nails!